I have this thing, it’s called gastroparesis. When I was first diagnosed I was hopeful. I set my sights on the road to my inevitable recovery; because “I am only 30ish, it’s not like I’m going to die or anything ! No, I am going to beat this, nay not I, we were going to beat it. You see 8 years ago when I was diagnosed, I had a tribe. Aaahhh yes, my tribe headed up by the linked arms and the strong footfalls of my parents, my husband, my ex husband and my children.
Unfortunately what no one tells you is this illness doesn’t just affect you only physiologically, but it shakes the very foundation upon which, if you like me, you thought was indestructible. No, this illness takes away your ability to go out to dance at the club or bar……because, well, no energy. It takes away your ability to take ridiculously named, but awesome looking and tasting shots……because, ugh, too nauseous. You have to cancel plans at the last minute… ..well, I’m just in too much pain.
So as I wigggled out of my old super social life into my new less than one; I noticed something, I was suddenly able to feel the wind at my back more freely, I whipped my head around to query my tribe. It was then that I realized several people had fallen away; not just for a pit stop to grab a water and return or sit briefly upon a rock to catch their breath, no they had fallen away and not returned. I blamed myself. Well if you hadn’t missed that birthday party or our the big labor day shindig, then so in so and you know who would still be here. You see this illness tries its best to wrap itself around your body and your life and squeeze every part of your status quo into hospitals, pills, countless Doctors, surgeons, specialists, and diagnostic testing. This illness shows you how humans truly behave, especially the ones in your tribe.